"No, Jackson," I say, pulling away a second. "What?"
"Nothing," he whispers, his face suddenly a little said. "I was...going to ask you for a promise you couldn't keep. So. I won't ask it."
I tighten my hands in his shirt, desperate to know what it is that he wants, desperate to give it to him -
But how seriously he looks at me right now? I exhale slowly and let it pass. Let him have his secret.
"Please," I whisper, a little desperate to move on from this, tugging him closer to me. "Please kiss me, Jacks."
He leans forward then, pressing his mouth to mine, kissing me long and slow. And as he does, I'm well aware that whatever he asked me for in this moment I'd give to him - no matter how much, or how unfair. And in the distance of the dreamscape, somewhere, my wolf howls -
Because she, too, knows that it's the truth.
Jackson and I kiss for a long time after that, serious and intent, slow - none of our usual eager joking, or laughter, or experiments. Instead, he just holds me close and we pass a great deal of emotion across our bond - devotion and sincerity and assurance.
Because honestly, I think the situation between Rafe and Daphne freaked us both out - reminded us that...relationships can end.
And that both he and Luca have asked me to end one of my relationships.
So, at some point...it's going to have to happen, for me at least. And even though he tries to hide it away, I can feel that Jackson is hoping with quite real desperation that it's not him who has to collapse into his bed like Rafe did tonight.
That...that he's worried that losing me might actually kill him.
“Don't think that,” I say, my lower lip shaking a little as I break our kiss, holding on to him quite tight like he might fly away.
"I'm sorry," he murmurs, dropping his head, I think a bit ashamed that I sensed that worry.
"It's - don't be sorry, Jacks," I murmur, stroking my hands through his hair. "Just - you don't need to think about it, okay? It's..."
I hold myself before I say "it's not
going to happen," even though that's truly what I'm thinking and feeling Because if I say that say that out
—
loud to him, and mean it - promise it - doesn't that mean that I've chosen him? That I'm leaving Luca?
And I am absolutely not at all ready to do that.
Jackson turns his head away from me, in turn sensing more than I want him to, and I sigh, falling back a bit on the soft grass on which we're laying.
"Can we...just change the subject, Jacks?" I say quietly, rubbing a hand up and down his arm. "It's been a lot tonight - a lot of emotion. We can face it again when we feel...clearer."
He nods, I think hoping that I'm right, and then he exhales and turns towards me, doing his very best to move on as I suggest.
"What do you want to talk about
instead?" he says, a little smile
coming to his mouth, running a hand
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